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About Deviant Anairda Zehcnas™Other/United States Recent Activity
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I'm forcibly distressing my own mental health, by allowing myself to be rather apprehensive and freely sucked in. It is my realization that I am pressuring my own dread, and everlasting torment influencing my headway to serenity drastically. I've become so corrupted that when I am provided with a blessing I can do nothing less than be muddled.
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Withheld by my thoughts suppressing me from my capability of remaining at peace. I can feel a great energy detaching me from my state of mind. suffering in the agony I call my point of view. I can no longer understand how it feels to be generally lively.
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When will I stop relying on Drugs to piece back together this monstrosity I call a life. continuously hitting the bong expecting to find an answers I've been so anxious for when in reality I'm only just minorly numbing my loatheing for the conditions of where I have lead my self to be so distraught.
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My body feels fake.
My head won't stop hurting.
I feel as if I were dead,
but I could only wish I was.
I just want to be okay.
I just want it all to go away.
Searching for relief in a drug that minorly smoothes my dread only to find more problems I'm causing myself. Stucked in its addictive trance of false claims of satisfaction, and nirvana. I have no command over my own composure. I only wish I had the self control to overcome my urge for yet another line of what I want to believe makes me "feel better". I sicken my self
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As I lay in bed drifting off to sleep, I can't prevail the impulse to think.. was it all worth it? Am I really happy solitary? Constantly reaching out for aid and comfort, but i keep getting haled down deeper and deeper until I'm completely submerge in dark thoughts and feelings I couldn't even bare to enter upon explaining. My screams for help are left unacknowledged as I slowly feel my body decaying from the inside out, then abruptly I am induced with a agonizingly numb pain that I only wish I never asked for. As if it wasn't agony enough, I'm  left with my thoughts slowly immolating what's left of my remnants of fondness
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I find it difficult to interact with people because I'm overwhelmed by a invariably anxious feeling whether what I'm saying is moronic or if I should even be speaking regardless. This causes me to refrain from talking or doing things as simple as eating and/or drinking in front of crowds of people without thinking i'm being judged or judging my self. I'm constantly nervous and doubtful which also affects not only social relation, but it causes me to be distraught and have excessive depression over things in my everyday life. Even when things aren't as grim as it proclaims to be. I always feel as if I'm continually falling short to standards that don't even exist except in my own opinion. ultimately the depression and anxiousness generates insomnia. Thus I don't sleep for hours, yet when I at long last rest I find my self sleeping for several hours I persist the compulsion to awake the next day.
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OoT Adult Link Papercraft by Chartodileon OoT Adult Link Papercraft :iconchartodileon:Chartodileon 140 35 Snow White by Scebiqu Snow White :iconscebiqu:Scebiqu 975 43 Kendo Fight by el-lagarto Kendo Fight :iconel-lagarto:el-lagarto 3 2
Social Anxiety
I quiver violently
Too many people
Take it easy
Walk slowly
Control yourself
Control the impulse
I'm sure they notice
My uncertainty
They stare into
My soul
The agony
That lies within
The anxiety
Beneath my skin
It runs through
My scarlet veins
Like poison
Infecting me
Cell by cell
Vein by vein
Killing my sanity
Going insane
They stare
As I walk through
This hell
Step by step
Demons in disguise
Ready to pounce
Grab hold of my soul
Strangle me
Intimidate me
Until I collapse
Drop to my knees
Humiliate me
I need pills
Self medication
Some way to
Cope with this
Terrible disorder
Social Phobia...
:iconnessie905:Nessie905 75 46
Sick isn't something
You can see.
When I'm standing there -
Sweaty palms
Heart racing
Fists bracing -
Absolutely terrified
For 'no reason at all',
I hope it makes you
Feel big and tall,
To tell me I'm being stupid.
When I can't talk to someone -
Because my throat is dry,
And I feel sick,
Like I can't
Catch my breath,
Like I'm going to cry
Like I'm hurtling
Towards death -
Don't tell me to
'Get over myself'.
When I'm crying -
Can't breathe,
And my knees
Go weak
And I'm too scared
To speak
And every heart
Makes me jump -
How can you tell me
I need to 'grow up'?
When I can't get on a bus -
Because so many people,
So many eyes,
And my mind is force-feeding
Me so many lies -
Don't tell me I 'think I'm better
Than everyone else'.
I'm trying my hardest.
Really, I am.
Would you tell someone with a broken leg
To just get up and walk?
Would you tell someone with no tongue
To open their mouth and talk?
Would you tell a wingless angel
To fly?
So tell me why -
When it is
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Agony by Disse86 Agony :icondisse86:Disse86 487 50 Blown by csgrimm Blown :iconcsgrimm:csgrimm 1 0



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I don't seeking for fucking  attention and I sure as hell don't want your insensitive pity
All I want is to get some fucking help.


6Beelzebub6's Profile Picture
Anairda Zehcnas™
United States


Add a Comment:
VentralHound Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks for watching me^_^
Nessie905 Featured By Owner May 19, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fav of 'Social Anxiety' :)
6Beelzebub6 Featured By Owner May 19, 2015
No problem its my pleasure!
madstalfos Featured By Owner May 15, 2015
Thanks for the watch!
6Beelzebub6 Featured By Owner May 15, 2015
It's my pleasure!
Disse86 Featured By Owner May 11, 2015
Thanks for watching! :)
6Beelzebub6 Featured By Owner May 11, 2015
No thank you, your art is astonishing! It's my pleasure.
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